Scheris's Embarrassment
by XxGuardianKnightxX
Summary: Kazuma gets extremely pissed-off at HOLY and attempts to go on another one of his self-righteous heroic crusades which seem to always involve assaulting women. But this time things may be different, after Scheris ate a whole bag of potato chips...
1. Chapter 1: What the Hell Hero

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**Scheris's Embarrassment**

Part 1

It happened again. HOLY once again attacked one of the local villages in a particularly barren part of the Lost Ground. Natives died, buildings were wrecked beyond repair, the death toll was massive. And unfortunately for the HOLY squad (and their beautiful but inexperienced leader, none other than Scheris Adjani) the entire massacre was being observed by a certain red-haired native alter...Kazuma. And boy was he pissed!

"That HOLY bitch!" he thought to himself, "she's gonna get it so bad this time! I'll mess up her pretty little face so bad this time! Just you wait, Kanami." With that, he reached out his arm, and with the telltale formation of holes in the surrounding environment, his alter was activated.

"Time to make them pay outta their little HOLY asses!"

Scheris was sitting at a control console inside one of HOLY's trucks. Aside from struggling to concentrate on the viewscreen in front of her (and all the figures added up from the battle earlier,) she felt a bit of uncomfortable pressure in her abdomen. "Oh my...I really ate too many potato chips" she thought. She crumpled up her now-empty bag of potato chips – sour cream and onion flavor, to be exact – and continued to concentrate on the screen, when she spotted a fast-moving object hurtling towards her truck. She gasped.

"N...NP3228?" she gasped to herself, "it can't be! How did he see everything we did? Oh crap, he's gonna hurt me so bad!" She huddled up in a little ball in the corner of the truck and hoped she wouldn't get her ass handed to her again like that time Kazuma destroyed the last HOLD convoy, after Kimishima's death.

She wasn't so lucky. Kazuma came speeding recklessly towards her command truck, pummeling its metal frame with his outstretched Shell Bullet. "I'll kick your ass! I'll punish you so bad!" he screamed as he repeatedly punched the truck's wall, ultimately breaking a massive, gaping hole in the side of the thing, ultimately uncovering a terrified, sobbing Scheris.

"Well, if it isn't the bitch who started it all!" he gloated, "you're a nasty, superior little brat, you know that? You KNOW that?!"

Scheris clutched her belly, still afraid. Why _now_? Why at this time did she have to have indigestion? It would only make her impending beating even more painful.

"Get up, bitch! GET UP! You want me to show you how?!" Kazuma screamed at her like an abusive husband, "ooh you're gonna get it soooo bad now! I'm gonna enjoy pummeling you!"

With that he punched a computer, the resulting shockwave blowing Scheris back against the wall. She knew this was it – Kazuma had strengthened his alter significantly since his last assault on HOLY, and she knew he didn't spare _anyone_ in a HOLY uniform – not men, nor women, nor even children. She squealed helplessly as Kazuma dragged her out roughly with his huge metal claw, ready to pummel her, when...

_Pffffffffffffffffffffffft...poof_

Kazuma dropped Scheris, who blushed demurely. Seconds later a terrible smell hit the air, and her would-be tormentor crinkled his nose with disgust.

"What the hell was _that_?!" Kazuma glared angrily. Scheris just blushed and blushed, her midsection feeling less bloated, with Kazuma having become incapacitated from her sudden gas attack. She had just farted.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2: Cougar's Fantasic BBQ

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**Scheris's Embarrassment**

Part 2

It took Kazuma a good three minutes to get up after the gas had knocked him out. Scheris was her usual demure self and blushed some more, apologizing to Kazuma, even if he was her foe.

"You...why did you do that to me?" Kazuma asked angrily. Scheris knew she would get a beating as soon as Kazuma got his strength back. She stepped back timidly.

"I said I was sorry, Kazu-kun."

Kazuma's eyes turned red with anger. "NOBODY calls me that except Kanami! Especially no HOLY brat! You're gonna get it, girl!"

Scheris called for Ryuho's help as Kazuma grabbed her around the midsection. But he soon saw the mistake of grasping her midsection so tightly when she was this bloated!

_PFFFFFFFFFFT_

Scheris farted again, this time right in poor Kazu-kun's face! Although considering what he was about to do to her (which I will refrain from describing, to keep this story T-rated lol) it's kinda hard to feel sorry for him. Now most people would say Scheris deserves everything Kazuma might do to her, because HOLY as "the bad guys." Well those guys are douchebags.

But back to the story at-hand. Kazuma's eyes turned red from the gas, which was so dense it caused the air around it to ripple, like how one can sometimes see heatwaves. "I...I must re-regain c-c-control...you, you're gonna get it, brat!"

Scheris stuck her tongue out at the meatheaded native alter. "You stupid hero, teehee, all you care about is justice...you have no chivalry, unlike Ryuho! He's my hero..."

"How DARE you praise my enemy you STUPID GIRL!"

Scheris jumped from Kazuma's sudden outburst, which caused her to pass gas again. This only made Kazuma even angrier and he began to chase Scheris around the HOLY encampment.

Meanwhile, Ryuho was enjoying a BBQ with Straight Cougar, Urizane and Tachibana. The food was delicious – Cougar always made the best tri-tip, and Ryuho loved his BBQ sauce, which he had smothered all over his tri-tip sandwich.

"_Damn_ Cougar, your tri-tip is the bomb!" Ryuho said, shamelessly breaking character. Sure, he may have appeared cold and no-nonsense when her served in HOLY, but it was all a facade – now that he started a new life as an Inner he learned (from Cougar) to relax and enjoy life.

"Pass the mustard, Tachibana."

Tachibana was busy wolfing down a plate of Kentucky bourbon balls – a delicious Southern confection you gotta try – so he didn't hear Ryuho.

"Hey ball boy! Gimme the mustard!"

"It's right over there, god damn are you freakin' BLIND? Don't shout at me, I'm still with HOLY ya know, and can arrest you for disorderly conduct."

"Where's the damn mustard, Tachibana? I'm hungry and want some."

Tachibana looked more annoyed than ever. "Just get it yourself you...you..."

"DOUBLE INNER"

Ryuho's eyes bugged out. He _didn't_ just call him that! But something else distracted him from scolding the young HOLY member.

"Sch...Scheris! It's Scheris!" Ryuho cried out, "she's in danger!"

Tachibana was confused. "How do you know, Ryuho?"

"My alter-sense is tingling, that's why! We have to go to her HOLY encampment! Kazuma's on the loose and he's gonna hurt her...again! I don't want this to happen again!"

"Geez Ryu, why didn't you say so?" Cougar sighed, "look, we'll take the Radical Good Speed. We'll get there in the blink of an eye!"

"So let's go already!"

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3: FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**Scheris's Embarrassment**

Part 3

When they arrived, they found the HOLY base to be more intact than first expected. Ryuho looked confused..._something_ must've stopped Kazuma in his tracks.

"I'm gonna go look for Scheris now...Cougar, Tachibana, keep an eye out for Kazuma."

He peered into the HOLY truck that Scheris was last found in. No sign of Kazuma _or _Scheris. However, he smelled something stinky, and crinkled his nose. "Must be a gas leak" he thought. Cautious, he reached out his arm in the typical "knife-hand" gesture, and with a break in the wall of the truck he formed part of Zetsuei – not the whole alter, but just the diamond-shaped sword part that fits over his hand.

"Kazuma, where the hell are y..."

"RYUHO!" A feminine voice cried out. It was Scheris! Ryuho rushed in the direction of the voice. Scheris was in surprisingly good shape after Kazuma's rampage. She was sitting demurely on the ground, panting from her previous encounter with the ferocious native alter.

"Scheris, are you alright?"

The blue-haired girl nodded. And then...

_ Pooooot_

She giggled cutely when Ryuho waved his hands in front of his nose to fan away the fart. "Scheris, did you FART?"

"Yep!"

Ryuho shrugged. The girl was always a bit eccentric.

"Come with me, Scheris. We gotta get you outta here...the native alters will be back, and in greater numbers."

Scheris objected. "It's going against HOLY orders. I was supposed to stay here and patrol the village. If I leave, Commander Jigmar will demote me to janitor duty!"

"Forget Commander Mullet, you're coming with us, Scheris...do you wanna die or live? I don't want Kazuma hurting you again!"

Scheris agreed and staggered up. She was hurt a little bit. Ryuho picked her up, forcing out a short squeaky fart from her.

"Peww!"

"C'mon, let's go to my house!"

Tachibana objected. "I wanna go back to the BBQ!"

But before any of them could go back to Cougar's car, a damaged HOLY truck fell down and crushed it, cutting off their only escape route. Cougar stared in stunned horror before yelling out a single, drawn-out cuss word, his eyes bugging out and his mouth contorting into a hideous mask of rage.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
